Beware what you pray for… you just might get it
Posted on October 6, 2008
Filed Under Generally Spiritual (few if any geek references) | Leave a Comment
Warning… this one’s not too pithy, not too cute or interesting IMHO, just cathartic.
Most of my life I have been asking God for a lot of things, but recently I have been challenged to take the “Bono Route.” You see, one day I watched with wrapped attention as our pastor interviewed Bono (taped, not live … rats!) Bono noted that he was challenged to stop asking God to bless him, and instead ask what God is doing, then get involved in that.
For me that translated into trying to look outward and not inward. What does God want me to do?
I decided that He wants me to teach (Right now, some of you are saying “DUH! We’ve been telling you to teach for years!.” OK, I’ve been a little slow on that one. I admit it…). So I began to pray for opportunities to teach. One answer came via teaching project management related topics. At first it was exhilarating, just being up in front of people and explaining terms to them and all that was great. But after a while, it became a grind. The truth is, the subject matter bores me to tears.
What to do? I began to ask God for opportunities to do biblical teaching, especially of the motivational speaking variety (a.k.a. “preaching”). But there was a slight problem: I have a lot of garbage in my life, and it seems to be getting worse. I’m not just saying that because it is in vogue for teachers to connect with their audiences by saying “I’m a sinner too.” It’s the truth–you can ask my wife, she’ll tell you.
I decided to ask God for the following “Lord, can You send me out to teach anyway? I’ll go anywhere You want… ANYWHERE. And I know that the teaching itself will become a purifying agent in me.”
For a while nothing happened. Then one day my phone rang, and I could tell from the caller ID that it had to be a recruiter. I almost didn’t answer. For me, recruiters have been (sorry to say this) a waist of time. But for some reason this time I picked up the call.
After a couple of minutes of pleasantries and “yes, I’m still looking for work,” etc., of the blue the lady on the other end of the phone said “I see here that you graduated from Moody Bible Institute…” I thought, here we go… she’s going to imply that I’m unfocused and not really a good candidate and/or I should remove that from my resume…. I was about to give her my stock reply– that I felt it was important to set aside that time for personal and spiritual growth– when she asked me the most surprizing question: “Would you be open to preaching at my church?”
uh…. could you repeat that?
Turns out their pastor retired and currently they are in need of stand ins. Well, actually they didn’t call “stand ins.” They referred to the opportunity as “pulpit supply.” (Sounds like I should bring sticky notes, markers, a stapler and other office amendities….) Her husband is heading the committee that keeps the church supplied with teachers.
Long story short, I “preach” this upcoming Sunday. Am I scared? No, not at all. This is what I was made for. But I will say that I really, really feel like bailing out!!
The simple fact is, I feel like an absolute hypocrite. I won’t bore you with the details of *why* I feel that way, but let’s just say that I seen the Enemy at work in my home recently and I’ve been stupid enough to become a key player in his games.
BE Careful what you prayer for— you just might get it…..
How in the world am I going to do something I love (teach biblical topics) unless I face the fact that I’m kind of a jerk. I can’t ignore various sins in my life and be able to teach truth from God. I know that I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to be trying–or to put it better, I need to be open to God’s reproof and cleaning up process.
Tonight my wife and I are going out on a date. We’re going to spend some very much needed time together. We both have been too busy and that has made an already stressful life even more so. And that, my friends, is an example of what I’m talking about. Instead of ignoring the tensions that have mounted (being unemployed/underemployed/self employed hasn’t been easy for either of us, but especially for my wife), we are going to put something into our marriage and spend some time enjoying each other’s company.
My big prayer now is that I will no longer have a reason to feel hypocritical. Feel like a sinner, yes, of course, but a forgiven one, that’s my goal.
BTW: what will I “preach” on (I’m sorry, but I still choke over that term, hense the quotation marks) John 2, when Jesus turned the water into wine. Recently I got hooked on seeing the whole thing from the eyes of the servants.
1. Jesus didn’t need their help. So, why did he ask them to help?
2. If Jesus “needed” help (or more accurately, wanted to get others involved), why didn’t he call upon his apostles?
3. Don’t you think that the servants just might have been a little irritated with this whole “fill those jugs with water” order? After all, John tells us that they totaled anywhere from 120 to as much as 180 gallons! And these guys couldn’t simply hook up a garden hose and stand there, fill….fill… fill. Oh, no. They needed to grab a three or four gallon pitcher each, walk all the way out of the housing complex, out of the village, to the well, lower their pitcher (or some pitcher) as much as 180′…. That’s right, folks. Wells in Jesus day were *deep*… raise the pitcher, transfer the water to their own pitcher, walk all the way back into the house, pour the water into a jug. Repeat until all the jugs were filled to the brim.
Man! that must have taken some time and effort! And they had no idea why this carpenter turned rabbi was commanding them to do this. As far as they knew, this was just another mundane, tiresome, meaningless task.
Well, I could go on and on, but I won’t. Except I will say that I feel like those servants. At the beginning of each day, I need to be sure to ask Jesus “what do you want me to do today, Lord?” and DO IT, even if it seems meaningless and mundane. And, more than ever these days, we are praying “give us this day our daily bread.” I see the two as completely separate prayers, if you will. I cannot, I must not shape my serving God around whether or not the things I do today have a “payback.” I can’t look at things and say, “but I won’t get paid for it” or “it won’t help me find a job” or “but… it won’t help me get more work…” and all that.
No, I need to be just like those servants who obeyed a rather odd-ball command from a relative unknown who fancied himself a teacher of Israel. They obeyed and look what happened: they were given the privoledge of being a part of Jesus’ first miracle. wow!
Oct. 10, 2008
SUMMARY:
“beware what you pray for….” I guess I knew that teaching/preaching would stretch me and humble me, but I didn’t quite realize just how humbling it would be! I still feel like a hypocrite, but repentence is good for the soul. I know ( I REALLY know) that this Sunday could be a disaster in God’s eyes unless He does the work. I will say that I am enjoying my part, preparing and all, but sometimes I get a little panic attack of sorts–it kind of goes like this “you can’t stand up there and talk about God and act the way you do!” Again, repentence is good for the soul.
This whole thing has forced me to deal with sins that I have been happy to ignore in the past!
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