Shock Collars Pagers Cell Phones and the Holy Spirit, or…

Posted on July 6, 2007
Filed Under A Geek's Guide to the Scriptures, Some slightly auto-biographical stuff | 2 Comments

… Cocoa signs up for a “Distance Learning”course

Author’s note: This was originally an email sent June 18, 2005. I buried it in the archives of this blog but when I came across it today and thought I would put it on the front page. Somehow I feel like God is doing a little “distance learning” to me, what with being laid off and all. Am I a lot more attentive to His “still, small voice” these days? Oh, yeah!

Did I tell you that we have a dog? I think that I did, but if not, some day I’ll delve into the redemptive analogies of dog ownership, like being rescued from the fiery furnace, so to speak. You see we got her from an animal shelter.

Cocoa is a good dog overall. She is bright as far as dogs go, and quite obedient, except for one area of her life: when other dogs are near by. That is when mass quantities of stupidity break out. Take our next-door neighbor’s dog for instance. Every time, I mean EVERY time the two of them see each other, World War III erupts K-9 style. Thankfully there is a chain link fence to separate them. But despite the fence, oh, the snarling! The snapping and growling! And bearing of teeth while racing up and down the fence line!! At least my neighbor’s dog breaks off and goes inside when she is called, but my dog? NooOOoo. She has to keep at it snarling and nipping while I stand there like a fool, yelling my head off. “Cocoa, come! COCOA!!! COME!!” Yeah, like that’ll ever happen.

What in the world do I have to do to get her attention?! Think, man, think. Free your mind… Something clever, something gadgety, and geeky. Ah, ha! Perfect!

It utilizes wireless technology, it’s configurable, and it even comes with hardware modifications. It’s a turnkey installation with no patches to download and best of all, it needs batteries. What more can a geek ask for?

Some of you have already guessed my solution, but shame on you for thinking that I got a “shock collar.” We prefer the manufacturer’s terminology: a “distance-learning device.” Actually, the kids and I call it “the Instrument of Obedience.” Just for the record, I don’t shock our dog with it. When I want her attention, I press a button and the collar creates a static stimulation.

It’s important to note that Cocoa has a very thick neck. Cocoa’s neck is so thick that it takes a lot of stimulation for her to even so much as feel a tickle. In fact, during the pilot test phase of this little project I wasn’t sure if I would ever get her attention. But with proper systems integration methodologies, thorough application testing, and a superb change management process, I was able to bring the system up to production standards and now everything is golden. A few weeks ago we went live with the Instrument of Obedience system, IoO for short (it sounds rather like howl if you say it just right). To date, I’m getting 5 “9s” in up time. Not bad, eh? Now when I want her to leave the neighbor’s dog alone, she gets the point without even the tiniest elevation of my voice.

Ah, the smell of smoldering dog fur in the morning. It’s the smell of … victory.

Actually, I rarely shock Cocoa–ah that is to say send a static stimulation–but usually I page her. It’s pretty cool. I can send a signal that makes a cute little pager like sound come out of her collar. When she hears it, she knows to come to the back door for a liver treat (we’ll be discussing liver treats more in Part II of Cocoa goes to Distance Learning school).

For the most part my problem has been solved. Cocoa leaves the neighbor’s dog alone now. We have graduated from stimulation when not paying attention to Big Dog (that would be me) to coming when paged, all the way to liver treats the moment that she heeds my still small voice and obeys.

You might be thinking that this is all very inhumane, this whole thing of “pay attention to me or I’ll inflict pain on you!” I would like to ask you a simple question: What’s that object clipped to your belt? Or purse, as the case may be. By any chance, does it beep or vibrate when someone wants your attention? We all know what it’s like to get that urgent text message or phone call from a demanding client or a child (hard to tell the difference some times). Answer it we must, or much pain will we feel.

You and I are no different than Cocoa. We all have our versions of “shock collars” that can dominate our life.

What about God? How does He get our attention? The Bible says that He longs for us to always be attune to His “still, small voice.” You know, a verse here, a worship song there, a nudge from the Holy Spirit now and then. If that doesn’t work, then perhaps a “page” or a “text message” will. I liken those to biblical counsel from a friend.

But what if we aren’t paying attention to God’s “voice” or His “pages” and “texts?” What if, like my dog, we are rather thick necked–the Bible calls it stiff necked–would God actually shock us? Today we tend to emphasize God’s gentleness and patience and mercy (all very true, of course). When we read in the Bible some of God’s disciplinary actions, we may prefer to describe them as “static stimulation.” But when God wanted Israel’s attention, He called it by names like drought, invasion and war. Sounds like “shock collar” treatment to me.

TO THE POINT:

The trick is to pay close attention to God, and then we won’t have to worry about “static stimulation” (we’ll still have plenty of trials, but that’s different). I don’t know about you, but I would rather get a “liver treat” for heeding His still, small voice than to get some kind of a “shock” for stubbornly going off in my own direction. In either case, however, it is the God of Love who is calling me closer to Himself. “He disciplines those whom He loves.” (Hebrews 12:6)

How well do you pay attention to God? What “dog fights” do you need to walk away from? For that matter, what “rabbits” do you need to stop chasing? What bushes do you need to stop digging up, just because its fun? Thank God, that through His word our very nature can change! Because of her breed, my dog will always be prone to go after other dogs. The best we can expect of her is behavior modification. With us, however, God wants to go way deeper than mere behavior modification: He says, “I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) Jesus says that as we follow Him we will become like Him (Luke 6:40). Critical to becoming like Jesus, however, is that we hear His still, small voice.

The next time our “instruments of obedience” go off — that is, our cell phones and pagers–what say we let them remind us of God: of His Holy Spirit and His leading. And let’s use the Word of God to keep us listening to His still, small voice.

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