Botox for the soul
Posted on February 28, 2008
Filed Under Generally Spiritual (few if any geek references) | Leave a Comment
Well, it’s now 10:39 AM. I’m at the library, struggling to improve my resume. Thanks to various distractions and delays I didn’t leave the house till 9:30. Filled the car with gas, got a coffee, and now here I am. I have listened to several Chris Tomlin songs, but it didn’t help. I am feeling very burdened. Burdened? No, a burden would be an improvement. For a burden implies that I have something to carry and some place to carry it to. Frodo said “I do not know the way” well neither do I. It’s hard enough to try to job hunt, but to be so uncertain –or unwilling—about it all.
Why am I unwilling? Why do I hate the very thought of going back to a company, any company? I am not entirely sure. Some of it is overblown fears: fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid in an interview, fear of a wasted life actually.
Eowyn, what did you fear? “A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.” 1
Fear, apprehension, comfort, complacency – I think those are my bars.
Why do we grow old?
I don’t mean the color of our hair and the sagging of our skin, nor the aches and the tiredness. Why do we grow old on the inside? It is not right. It cannot be what God intended. Yet here I am, old. Old beyond anything a bearer of “living water” should ever have let himself become. Let the body erode, let the mind fade, let the passions of youth die down to glowing embers, but the soul? It should not grow old, it should not lose its sense of joy for life, its childlike trust, its awe and wonder, its faith.
My grandmother, at age 96, once said that she felt like an 18 year old girl trapped in the body of an old woman. “Old” people don’t talk like that. I strongly suspect that on the whole, my grandmother never let her soul grow old.
Children may be frightened of a storm, but the old are frightened by life itself. A child, faced by various manifestations of evil (a barking dog, a scary movie), may cower but the old cower from the daily risks of life. Children, who have no history of trusting God and seeing Him work in their lives, are optimistic: they believe in the here and now, and are inspired by the future. The old, who have seen God sustain them (if they were paying attention), never-the-less are pessimistic about the future.
The young live for the future, indeed they live in the future. “when I grow up I want to be…” The old avoid all thoughts of the future, indeed, they live in the past. The past is where their glory is, not the present, and certainly not the future.
How can this be? We are not “old” not any of us, if we really carry in us the living water of Christ. We cannot see our true future any more than a child can see his, yet he lives for his future and the old shrink back from theirs.
Why is this so? For one thing, most children are constantly being filled with thoughts of hope for their futures. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and various comments that express our hopefulness in their futures.
Kids also can see for themselves all of the wonders and joys of being in that magical age that is just in front of them. It’s and age where they have all of the perks of adulthood (keys to the car, for example, and to the front door, and there’s dating, and a cell phone that you don’t have to pay for, and trips with friends, and movies and parties, etc.) yet none of the responsibilities. Who wouldn’t be attracted to that?!
What do the old have to look forward to? If they retire right, they too can join a magical age where they have all of the perks of adulthood, and almost none of the responsibilities (retired, empty nest, etc.) But why don’t the old enjoy their “magical” season like children enjoy theirs? It is true that their bodies don’t have the energy to enjoy every ounce of their hard earned freedom, but there seems to be more to it than that.
Children have a future and a hope. Old people don’t.
But don’t we have a future? Isn’t that future in heaven and aren’t we still able to store up treasures in it? Till our last breath is gone, God has us here for a reason. Every day counts for eternity. Every day is an opportunity.
You’re as young as you feel? No. The youthfulness of our souls is not really dependent upon a “positive mental attitude.” In reality it is completely dependent on the vitality of what we truly hope in. If one’s “glory” is in being cool, or good looking, or in money or in being a valued employee or loved by your family… then their glory will fade (read: their soul will grow old). For all of our earthly glories are destined to fade with age.I think that we grow old to the degree that the foundation of our soul grows old.
And just what is an “old” soul? Forgetful, for one thing. Forgetting God’s blessings, forgetting His sustaining power, forgetting why we are here.
Another indication of a soul that has grown old: obsessions. Living in the past, anxious about the present, striving to preserve “a way of life” struggling to maintain some element of our youthful “glory” and all such issues become obsessions when the soul loses its youthfulness.
Old souls are fearful too. We don’t trust God like we used to. Everything is scarier to an old soul. Everyday events and challenges that never frightened us before are now perceived as monstrously high risks. The unknown becomes the Great”What if..?”and obsesses the mind of a soul that has grown old.
Not only that, our souls grow old when we refuse to look at heaven the way a child looks at early adulthood. Children look to their futures with hope and excitement and passion. Indeed, they get a bit obsessed with the topic, continually looking for ways to speed up the journey into their futures.
Not so the soul that has grown old. “Elderly” souls fear the future and rarely talk about it. When they do, they are very uncomfortable, not excited but sad and fearful. Like a child who longs to return to the nursery, the “old” long to go back to the glory of their youth. But those who have a future and a hope don’t long for the past. They live for the future, because they know that their future is bright.
“Future is bright…” hmmm….. sounds familiar. Isn’t heaven described in terms like that? Bright, brilliant, full of glory, full of wonder and awe, full of all that makes life worth living. To the “born again” the future is very bright (read: full of hope beyond imagination).
What to do?
Lord, I’ve got to stop this thing where my soul has grown old. I want to trust You more, look to You for my future and hope, put my faith in You, not in my circumstances. I believe that my circumstances are made for storing up treasures in heaven–even if I don’t like those circumstances.
No one is too old to have a childlike wonder and faith—unless they will themselves to be.
Father, I commit myself to the process of reversing my “old age.” I want to return to spiritual youth. “Come to me like a child.” OK, here we go…
Oh, and as for job hunting — I think I can now put those fears and apprehensions aside. The future is bright! God has a plan. My next job will be great! It will be an adventure
Whoa… from the sounds of that, I’d say that Mr. Java just showed up in the ol’ bloodstream. More likely, Mr. “living water” just received a little extra room to maneuver through the ol’ soul. 
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