The Cliffs of Insanity…. or “how’s the job search going?”
Posted on November 27, 2007
Filed Under Generally Spiritual (few if any geek references), Some slightly auto-biographical stuff | 5 Comments
Recently, a couple of people here and there have asked how the job hunting is going–which I deeply appreciate, by the way! I thought that I would answer with an update via the following entry from my personal journal kept on my laptop:
November 27, 2007
Notes on Max Lucado’s book “Cure for the common life” chapter 3:
Max keeps using Moses’ life as and example. For me that is perfect. I have really enjoyed the recent series on Moses at our church.
From Max: His design defines your destiny.
I believe that. No problem. I’m just not so sure I know what His design of me is.
Maybe I do know but I’m just not willing to walk off the cliff of faith and really give myself to my design.
Actually, my dilemma is not so much like the Indiana Jones cliff of faith, where all he needs to do is step out into “thin air” and start walking on an invisible(ish) bridge.
I feel like my situation requires a lot more effort than that; a lot more grunt labor. It’s more like I am at the bottom of a fjord, in a shaky little boat with no where to go and I am staring up at a huge row of cliffs. The Cliffs of Insanity.
Yeah! That’s exactly what it feels like! The Cliffs of Insanity.
Whoa. Those cliffs are really tall. And the black ship of unemployment is gaining on me! How in the blazes am I ever going to get up those cliffs?? I need a giant. The last “giant” that got me up similar cliffs dumped me (called it “down sizing” or something like that). I’m just going to have to find myself a new giant…
Tentatively, I start to climb up the cliff (for the allegorically challenged amongst us, that would be like sending out resumes, asking for job leads, all that sort of thing). Maybe I’ll find a giant along the way. At this rate, maybe not.
“God! I do not suppose you coulda speed things up? Like lower a rope or a tree branch or something?”
Why do I feel like God is saying to me:
“I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.”
(That does put a damper on our relationship.)
God is trying to “kill” me??? No, my mind hasn’t just fried a memory chip. Remember, this is allegorical. Please read on…
God: “You know that I am going to do it ‘left handed.’ If I use my right hand, pttf! Over too quickly.”
me: “Oh, have it your way!” (great! Just what I feared. He’s going to kill something in me AND He’s going to take His time doing it!)
me: “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So…”
God: “let me guess, you would appreciate it if I wouldn’t distract you,–with thoughts of a life that really truly lives by faith, all that sort of thing, eh?”
me: “Well, I… I wouldn’t put it quite that way… but I am pretty scared of slipping off this cliff and dashing my body on the rocks below. You have noticed the rocks, haven’t you? There’s the mortgage rock, the grocery bill rock, the medical….”
God (ignoring my question): “Oh? Just how would you put it?”
me: (gulp…) “I, ah, I have no response to that” (yep, another movie reference, Joe vs. the Volcano)
God: “I thought so. Now are you willing to accept my help or do you want to hang on that cliff of false hope a while longer? Good. Now, I’m not going to suddenly yank you up and out of this cliff, but here is what I am going to do”
God drops something over the cliff: it’s a rope.
God: “I want you to grab that, and start climbing. Never mind how tired you think your grip is….”
At first when I looked at the rope, I wasn’t sure what it was made of. Besides it looked thin and scraggly. And, what if it burns? And how was I going to grab it? I would have to let go of the cliff to do that! But then I realized what it was. The”rope” was a memory, the memory of when God led me to Chicago in the first place.
Back to Reality:
I kid you not! When I cried out for His help (emphasis on the word cried), He brought my mind back to the day I arrived in Chicago. I remembered His faithfulness to me and all the miraculous ways that He provided for me. He led me to Chicago and He provided for my needs. But since this blog entry has gotten rather long, even by my standards, we shall have to save the story of my journey to Chicago for another day. It’s a real exciting one, you won’t want to miss it!
Bye, bye, for now. Please come back next time for more Adventures on the Cliffs of Insanity! And be sure to remember all of God’s faithful ways with you! It beats clinging to false hopes!
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An email from Esther, the missionary with 3 suitcases and email. Encouraging words from one who knows!
“HI Brent,
I have been to the fjords I understand the cliffs and rocks. I am praying for you and your wife. Take the steps to follow God completely. It would be so lame if you didn’t live out who God has made you to be. You both have impacted others so much. I am sure God is not finished stretching and pulling:). Hang in there.
Fellow walk of faith cliff climber,
Esther”
Tonight, while watching a video about C.S. Lewis’ “Screwtape Letters” the following comment by the narrator leaped out at me. Somehow it seems to fit in all too well with my “cliffs” feelings…
………….
In the closing chapters of The Screwtape Letters, Lewis reveals that the adversity of our middle years wears on our souls and weakens our resolve. The shiny newness of youth loses its luster, love loses its intensity, the hopes and dreams of young adulthood crash and burn in the reality of practical living, even the rhythm of life itself trades spontaneity for dull routine. These times are what Screwtape refers to as “excellent campaigning weather” for winning the soul.
………
Screwtape, in case you might not know, is a devil. His idea of “winning the soul” is of course exactly the opposite of God’s.
“the rhythm of life itself…” boy, does that nail it for me! The rhythm of life can indeed wear one down, though that is not God’s plan for us!
Brent, as you know we have been hanging on a rope or teetering on a cliff more times than I want to remember! But at such times, God has always reminded me of his faithfulness! He is now reminding me of his faithfulness as I struggle these days with “the rhythm of life itself”.
yesterday we went to a commissioning ceremony for Esther, the same missionary noted in the first comment above. Being there reminded me vividly that she really does know what it means to “climb a cliff of faith.” wow. During our gathering, she went into some detail about what she will be doing. Talk about going out in faith!
Now, compare that with the following:
Just last Friday, a “giant” showed some interest in me. To put it plainly, I should have at least one interview this week with a large company. Question: is this “giant” God’s answer to getting me up and over my personal “cliff of faith”? Comparing typical corporate positions with how I am wired up, my spiritual gifts, etc. it seems iffy to me that God wants me to rely on some “giant” rather than His “rope.”
On the other hand, if I get a respectable job offer, I’m going to be hard pressed to rationalize saying no.
On the other other hand, it could be that God wants me to have a typical day job and do the teaching, etc. around it. Corporations need missionaries too, and I didn’t do too bad in corporate-land. I learned much of the language, and most of the customs and tried to be useful to God by being useful to them.
But I have to confess that it wore me out at times.
Oddly enough, my contract job did not wear me out. Same basic responsibilities, but no where near the same feelings of being ground down. The contract job showed me that I can still be an enthusiastic project manager. Perhaps it was the newness of the setting, perhaps it was being “imbedded” right in the middle of a real, honest to goodness client, perhaps it was the decent way that people treated each other, perhaps it was all of the above.
At this point, just as I felt when the contract job had hopes of becoming permanent, if a good offer comes, I’ll take it as God’s gift and go for it!
On the other other other hand…
I need to consider that which I am constantly hearing: be sure to do what God is calling YOU to do. Don’t make decisions based on the “practical” realities (Esther would *not* be taking on this current “cliff” of hers if she waited for all of her support to come in, if she was worried about a retirement fund, a new house, all of that.)
I just read another chapter from “Cure for the Common Life” by Max Lucado. It’s the chapter warning us that (my words here) the worries of this world can choke out the word of God from producing fruit in our lives. Specifically, his title was “Don’t consult your Greed.” That makes great sense to me, given the fact that Jesus told a would be follower “foxes have dens and the birds of the air have nests but the Son of Man does not have a place to lay his head.” The point is clear: follow Jesus and he makes no guarantees at all that you will be able to hand on to the American Dream, or even the American “right” to security, retirement, having a savings account, all that.